Emotion
by DataIntegrationThoughtEntity
Summary: You are Yuki Nagato. Loneliness, fear, happiness, curiosity, anxiety, anger. They flood your very being, mind, body and soul, and become your strengths and weaknesses. SPOILER WARNING.


**Author's Notes: **Hello. This must be one of the randomnest oneshots I've ever written. I don't even remember what inspired it. And… since all it does is narrate Yuki's POV throughout the first (and for the time being, ONLY) season of the anime, it's basically one huge spoiler in 2nd person. Whoot. Second person narratives rock.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything pertaining to the Haruhi Suzumiya franchise. I'm not entirely sure who does, but I'm sure their name can be found somewhere on the internet.

1a.

You hadn't expected Suzumiya to come to you when you were supposed to be observing her, but you decide that it's for the best. If she wants the room, she can have it. It will only make your job easier. As she babbles enthusiastically, you are only half-listening. You are focused on your psychology book. It is a fascinating subject, to you anyway. Human minds are so interesting. And Suzumiya is no exception.

1b.

She is back, and has brought someone with her. It is a boy from her class. You look up and study his physical appearance carefully, and when you are satisfied with your analysis, you resume your reading. He asks you whether you're sure they are allowed to use the room, and you nod. Though you personally would prefer reading alone, Suzumiya wished it. Still, you are surprised he asked.

2a.

You have been waiting for him to show up. Waiting until late at night every day, for you just couldn't meet him at school. Maybe your message was too subtle? Did he by any chance lose the bookmark? He arrives, out of breath and looking apologetic. You realize that you've been half hoping for him to not show up. But he is here now, and you have to tell him.

2b.

You have led him to your home and offered him tea. You sit, nervous and hesitant. Now that he's here, you can't wait any longer. Watching him carefully, you begin talking. He doesn't look like he believes you, but he sits and listens politely. You don't blame him. In his place, you never would have considered the words coming out of your mouth as truth.

3a.

You finally finish talking and he leaves, bewildered. You are alone now. Did you scare him? Not for the first time, you wish you were normal and didn't have to make an effort to blend in with humans. You wish you didn't have your responsibilities.

3b.

Suzumiya has divided the group in two again. You now find yourself with him. He doesn't mention the previous night, so you don't either. Instead, he brings you to the library. You've always felt a certain fondness for literature, and he noticed.

4a.

You know Asakura has been growing impatient, but you never expected her to go this far. You sense a sudden disturbance in the data flow of his classroom. Your heart is pounding as you race to find a way into the space. Fortunately, Asakura's protections aren't perfect and you manage to break through in time. She has a knife in her hand and is attacking him. You don't even consider Suzumiya or the fate of the world as you lunge for the blade.

4b.

Your body can deactivate or weaken its nervous system, so you feel no pain. He is safe, that's what matters. And you almost have access to Asakura's data link. He is staring at you and the spears in your body, horrified. He is now certain that you aren't human.

4c.

It's over and instead of running, as you though he might, he offers to help you up. You accept. It is warm in his arms. He tells you that you look better without glasses; you don't recreate them.

5a.

You aren't surprised to find them here. After all, Suzumiya is the one person who would investigate Asakura's disappearance and your crude cover story. Her mood is darkening, you can tell. As she asks you about your glasses, you look at him. He shrugs. When he passes you on his way out, you whisper your warning to him.

6a.

You are scared. What humans refer to as fear is what you are feeling, you realize. But it's not only because the world's very existence is threatened and that you've failed in taming Haruhi's mood swings. No, it's for a more selfish reason; you're scared that you'll never see him again. You have one of your most cherished possessions, your library card, with you. The one he got for you. Knowing that this might be the last time you ever interact with him again, you put your feelings into words and watch them appear on the computer screen. You barely have time to type the vital clue to getting them out of there when you lose contact with him. Your screen is dark, and you can only sit and hope.

6b.

You are relieved, and even though you already knew they were safe, you can breathe easier now that he has entered the room and that you see him with your own eyes. He asks about Asakura and others like her. You blink, and understand his worry. You assure him that something like that will never happen again, and that if it did, you'd protect him.

7a.

Koizumi explains the situation to you, and you agree that Suzumiya's mood is more important than a fair game of this sport called baseball. After all, the chances of winning without manipulating the data around you to your advantage are almost nonexistent. What to do? You take the bat and modify it to accommodate your team's lack of batting skill.

7b.

There is that sense of urgency in their voices and you know that you're the one who has to go get the ball. You do so, but without hurrying. You know that at your current pace, you'll reach it in time. Their shouts grow louder. You pick it up. It's amazing how much value this little ball has to the baseball players. It's just a spherical piece of cloth-like material. And this particular one was falling apart. You hear his voice above the commotion. Regardless of how odd this game is to you, you send it to Suzumiya. The force of your throw knocks her glove away with the ball and into Koizumi's waiting grasp.

8a.

Kimidori is here, and she is asking about the computer club president. You already know what is going on, but stand still and watch as they discuss. Suzumiya decides to take on the case. Of course, everyone knew she would from the very beginning and was just trying to seem professional.

8b.

You have fixed the logo without Suzumiya noticing. Satisfied, Koizumi and Asahina have left. You are alone with him in the clubroom now. He is leaning against the window, and is silent. You have no idea what he's thinking. You want to know though, but it isn't worth asking. It feels nice to have someone in the room with you, even if they aren't talking.

9a.

You are going to a deserted island with the rest of the Brigade. Suzumiya is acting a bit too eager, and you can see that it's making everyone else uncomfortable. It strikes you just how different you two are. Opposites, in fact. When she wants to stand out so badly, you are trying to fit in. She tries so hard to attract attention, and who wouldn't notice her? You, on the other hand, are trying to blend in with the background and stay calm, composed.

9b.

By human standards, the mansion is physically huge and elegant. The other members of the brigade look delighted, and you have to admit this place looks warmer and more hospitable than your home. Not that your apartment is lacking heating, but rather… company. It's empty. Whereas here your host seems to be a decent person and you can spend time with your… friends. Referring to them as such shocks you. Is your relationship with them profound enough? Do you know them well enough? Of course you do. The problem is whether they know you.

10a.

You close the door behind Koizumi. You already know that there is no trouble at all, and that all this was just an elaborate hoax so you go back to your reading without any anxiety whatsoever. You are interrupted by knocking. You move to grant him access, but then you stop. Suzumiya specifically told you to not open the door for anyone. You of course know that she didn't mean members of the SOS Brigade, but... she never specified. So you tell them that you aren't allowed to let them in. Technically, you're still obeying orders, so they can't blame you, right? Suzumiya comes back with him. After listening to them plead and reason with you for a minute or so, you decide that's enough and let them in. He is looking at you funny, with something in between astonishment and amusement.

11a.

You normally act just because Suzumiya wants you to. But this time, you are genuinely interested in the device she hands to you. You discover that you can make sounds by picking at the strings, and examine it more closely to figure out just how it works. She apparently wants you to play this instrument with her. Her voice isn't commanding, but rather pleading. You have a choice in the matter. You hesitate, and then decide that you want to learn how to play. You read the sheet music carefully, and experiment with the different strings.

11b.

You slide the guitar pick over the strings with precision, in sync with Suzumiya and the ENOZ members. As the song ends, you are acknowledged with cheering and applause. He can't see your eyes from under your hat, but you survey the crowd and spot him. He is smiling.

12a.

The computer club has been here. They have left a CD. As he examines it and comments on the name of the game they have developed, you are watching. A video game? You are only vaguely aware of what that is. It is apparently a form of entertainment, similar to Othello, but virtual. As you practice with the rest of the SOS Brigade, you slowly begin to understand the concept and programming of the game. You get a feeling of satisfaction out of comprehending the code that was somehow encrypted onto the disk.

12b.

They are cheating; there is no doubt about that. You feel oddly angry about the unfairness of the situation. As he and Suzumiya quarrel about battle tactics, you try to gain access to the programming. You have already read the code for the game, so you know what you're doing. You locate the codes they have just implemented to give them an unfair advantage, and delete them, while putting up virtual barriers to prevent them from changing it back. You ignore Asahina's comments about your typing, but turn when he speaks and asks about your hacking. You explain the situation to him, and hope that he understands. He seems hesitant, but then he realizes something. Smiling, he permits it.

12c.

The computer club is here, and their president reluctantly gives your brigade the laptops. You aren't really paying attention, until the president comes up to you and asks if you would like to participate in some of his club activities. You are stunned, and before you can answer, Suzumiya jumps up and refuses for you. He then cuts in, telling Suzumiya that it's your decision, and no one else's. You look at him gratefully, then very quietly express your desire to join the computer club as a part time member. Earth technology is queer, yet interesting. You are touched by the club's offer, but even more so by him defending you from Suzumiya's controlling attitude. You yourself would have never challenged her authority.

13a.

You are immersed in a fictional world, for this surreal feeling that comes with reading fiction is just as mesmerizing as the vast variety of information found in non-fiction books. You are reading an extraordinary science fiction novel, and you wonder why you've never heard of it before. You scan the pages, taking in the meanings of the separate words, stringing them into phrases, to form a logical story. There is abstract talent in the way the writer of the story introduces new characters and aspects, as well as subtle hints in the vocabulary used. You skim the pages with inhuman speed, yet you take note of all the details. There are few things you can not do in this world; you know that for a fact. Yet you want to learn how to write. Not calligraphy, but the art of writing. Language is a primitive form of expression, but you prefer it for some reason. This method of conveying your thoughts in some physical form seems so free.

13b.

The door opens, and he enters. After carefully putting down the box containing the heater he went to pick up, the first thing he asks you is Suzumiya's location, being surprised at being greeted with an empty room. No, not an empty room, for you are here. You tell him they're outside. You expect him to go to them, for he seems to always be more preoccupied with the harmless commotion Suzumiya causes than with you. But today, he stays. He looks exhausted as he throws himself on the chair after turning on the heater. He can't even keep his head up and rests it on the table. He is falling asleep, you realize. You finish your hardcover, marveling at the plot twist at the end and the satisfying epilogue. It is time to leave. You stand up, but before you exit the room, you glance at him once more. The heater is working, but still. Sleeping on the cold hard table doesn't look so comfortable. You take off your cardigan.

13c.

You are walking back to your empty apartment in the downpour. Suzumiya had plenty of umbrellas in the closet for some reason, but you didn't take one. Truth be told, you rather enjoy the rain. It is like your namesake, snow, but warmer. Less graceful and unique, perhaps, and maybe less stunning than snowflakes, but you enjoy the feel of it as it cascades down your body. Your uniform is soaking, but you don't care. Rain. Water as it descends from the heavens to the earth. The natural phenomenon, as common as it is, is often overlooked. Just as you are sometimes. The water brings so much to the living organisms on this planet, and it might be welcome after a long drought, but people mostly don't pay it much thought at all. It's just there. Is that what you are to people? To him?

**Author's Notes: **I want to eat a hot pot. Lmao, if you've examined every single detail pertaining to Nagato-san, as I have, you'd know what I'm talking about.


End file.
